The Control Freak’s Guide to Toddler Life

Raising a toddler can be complicated. Most days, it’s a lot of laughter. Other days, I don’t know if I’ll make it through the day. I’m a control freak, so naturally it’s challenging to have a 2 year old version of myself. I guess it’s just poetic justice.


Here are some steadfast rules to get through the toddler years:

  1. Mommy, don’t disagree with me. No matter how much you may think the picture looks like an alligator, it is, most definitely, an iguana.
  2. Mommy, don’t assume that the purple plate will do, because obviously, I wanted the green plate. You should have known that without asking. Purple is so yesterday and maybe tomorrow.
  3. Mommy, it is crucial for all of the toys to be strewn about the house for playtime to be perfect. Bonus points for me, if you step on a lost Lego in the dark.
  4. Crusts on a sandwich are bad. Mommy, you look hungry. Here, have my crusts.
  5. Do not interrupt me during Paw Patrol. Chase is on the case.
  6. No matter how much you think that I may like a specific toy, movie, or book today,  tomorrow I will look at you as if it is preposterous to think that I would want to read the books with the monkeys, albeit for the millionth time. Why would I want to play with the giraffe? I’m 34 months and 21 days now.
  7. Bedtime is a struggle for me because I know that you are having awesome, fun parties while I sleep.
  8. My default response will be no until I have fully processed the question in my brain, at which point, I reserve the right to change my answer.
  9. Since you are in the process of teaching me manners, I am also re-training you. If you insist that I say Thank you, your response must be You’re welcome. I will repeat myself for as many times as it takes, for you to say your response.
  10. If you try to take me to a movie at the theatre, especially one that is not animated, I will talk to Yannick. This is the best time for our conversations. Also, I have a lot of questions and observations during this time. I know that you are watching the movie with me but I want to make sure that you see the dog on the screen, so I have to yell, “Look Mommy, it’s a dog!”, because hey, you might not have seen it.
  11. Also, when you try to get me to leave the movie, because you are trying to be considerate of all of the other people who are actually trying to watch the movie, I will, most definitely, say no (see no. 8) and after you bribe me with ice cream, I must sing ‘Ice cream, Ice cream, Ice cream’ at the top of my lungs until we are out of the theatre.20160911_193455-1



4 thoughts on “The Control Freak’s Guide to Toddler Life”

  1. Too cute!!!!! I thought that I was the only one!!!! Karma is truly an evil woman with WAAAYYY too much time on her hands… pfffftt… another 15 years before I can legally give up… Morally is another story…


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